A CATTY CRIME AT BUDDY WATKIN’S CASINO

Maci Gian

Buddy Watkins Jr. , the coach of Cosmo FC, has had to temporarily shut down one of his star casinos after an unidentified thief had broken multiple of his slot machines and took the money inside.

“Been some time since someone’s had th’nerve to try somethin’ like this!” Buddy Watkins told reporters, “I got th’best dang security, th’best surveillance systems, ’n I got th’best folks workin’ under me, so th’fact this went under th’radar is screamin’ t’me whoever did this knows my casino ’n knows it well.”

These broken machines were located in the far back, right corner of the main room. While their lights were still on, nearby guests noted they weren’t flashing the same way the other machines were, and one of them had their hatch cracked open, leading to the maintenance crew getting called over for further inspection. This lead to them discovering it wasn’t just one, but three slot machines had been tampered with. This resulted in the casino being shut down for the rest of the evening to check if any more were broken into.

The exact amount stolen is not yet known.

Security looked through the camera footage from the evening of the robbery, but a little after 9:30 PM, all cameras monitoring the right side of the room had suddenly shut off.

When the worker who was tasked with overlooking the cameras was questioned why they didn’t report nor fix this malfunction immediately, they stated:

“I wasn’t in the room at the time! I heard a cat crying down the hall, and it sounded like it was in pain, so I had to check. I—I didn’t find it. I know it sounds fake, but I swore I heard a cat!”

Super League Disciplinary Board agents were tasked to inspect the scene. While there weren’t any traces of the culprit, there were traces of cat hair throughout the hallway by the security room, just as the worker said. The fur was taken back to the board to be examined.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to do much with cat hair, honestly, except maybe find out what breed it belongs to.” One Agent told reporters, “Would you believe me if I said this wasn’t the first time we had a crime scene with cats somehow tied to it?”

When asked if they believed the cat could’ve been the one committing crimes, the agent just stared for a few minutes before moving on.

“T’get robbed with so many people round th’scene, ’n not one had managed to catch th’vermin in th’act!? I’d say it’s embarrassin’, but it’s clear this here planned for some time.” said Buddy Watkins.

Reporters asked who he believed could’ve done this. It isn’t uncommon for certain Super League teams to attempt to sabotage another, whether it’s on or off the field, but when told of this possibility, Buddy shook his head.

“If they wanted to take down m’team, they would’ve gone for th’stadium, or my state of th’art trainin’ facility, or—or my players! But they just targeted one of m’casinos. Y’know who I think might’ve done it—“ He snapped his fingers, “There’s this guy who shows up sometimes durin’ our games that always wears this bucket hat, orange shirt, ’n a short sleeved jacket, ’n I swear, anytime I see him durin’ our games, trouble happens! I always try to get that sucker kicked out, but th’fool slips away just before we catch ‘em.”

Guests who were present at the scene were questioned if they saw someone who matched this description—or if they saw a cat running about—but unfortunately, there was nothing.

However, a few people did mention noticing a woman dressed in black with red hair hanging around the machines before they were broken. None of these witnesses could confidently state whether or not she was the one who had broken them, though, as she was apparently idling around and occasionally interacting with them. One onlooker mentioned she took a phone call before disappearing from the casino.

But with no solid evidence pointing to the woman—or any other guest— tampering with the machines, the identity of the culprit is still up in the air.

Buddy was asked what his plan was going forward, and if he was worried about his other casinos being broken into.

“Course I’m worried! This was a deliberate attack on me ’n m’fortune! There’s nothin’ more for me t’do than hire more guards ’n a couple’a cat haters, apparently.” He scoffed.

The Disciplinary Board is still on the look out for this thief, and are accepting any and all help from those who were at the casino the evening of the robbery.