“A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY…” SAYS EL MATADOR
Maci Gian
El Matador has finally addressed the Cease & Desists he had sent to an array of Super League reporters in a press conference at Strikaland. Alongside him stood Coach, and while he had remained quiet throughout the entire process, his frigid glare could be felt throughout the entire stadium and through the cameras.
“It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t a little offended over not being first in the ‘Best hairstyles’ list.” El Matador told reporters, “Lists from beginner journalists or those tacky, clickbait-y articles are one thing, but it’s different when it’s an official poll hosted by the Super League itself.”
He adjusted his glasses and continued, “I will admit, a part of me did believe someone had tampered with the numbers the moment I saw the results.”
When multiple journalists asked how Matador was led to believe the results could’ve been tampered—especially given how serious and secure the Super League gets with it’s information—Matador responded.
“Now don’t go assuming I’ve gone loco, I had my reasons to be suspicious!” He exclaimed, “It was a believable ’bad’ placement, you see. For anyone that knows me, they know about the passion I feel to be best of the best, to excel and bring my team to the number one spot in the League—“ He glanced at Coach as he said that, “So to be placed not last—but second—felt so intentional. If I had been placed last, everyone would know something was wrong, but to be just behind first, just short of being the best? It was as if someone who truly hated me wanted to get under my skin. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened, and it certainly won’t be the last.”
Several people started throwing names of various soccer players in an attempt to correctly guess who ‘truly hated Matador’. Many of these names came from the hairstyle list itself, though some had wondered if Ninja could have been involved due the on-and-off rivalry the two have.
Matador refused to confirm nor deny any guesses, “All I will say is that if this was someone’s attempt at taking me down—well—I hope they didn’t spend too much money bribing the list-maker.” He hummed as he twirled the end of his ponytail with a finger, “It’ll take much more than a flimsy little list to take El Matador down.”
When asked if he was planning on taking any journalist to court, El Matador shook his head.
“No, no, no. Not unless I knew they were absolutely trying to ruining my reputation. My legal team is the best of the best, and I know they would never let anything vile said about me slip by. The letters were sent when I was feeling very—very passionate about that list, but truly, they were nothing more than a total waste of time and money. I don’t need a list to tell me that my hair is the greatest, or to help me score the most goals.”
El Matador chose not to comment when asked if his legal team tried to talk him out of sending the wave of Cease & Desists.
“To those I have scared, I apologize.” El Matador said, “If you’re hearing this: Come to our next game against Technicali! I suggest—no, I invite you to call out to me after we win so I can give you an authentic El Matador apology in person! And if you can’t make it? I’ll send you a letter.”
As the press conference came to a close, and El Matador was being escorted away, Coach had been stopped and briefly questioned about his thoughts on the latest situation involving Toni Vern. With their match drawing near, and with so many fans speculative over whether Toni can truly be trusted in another team’s stadium again, people can’t help but wonder if Coach is planning on upping the security at Strikaland to prevent any possible interferences.
“He’s being watched by the Disciplinary Board, I’m not too concerned.” He said, “I studied how his team played against Iron Tank, and while their formations were strong, and their defenders did the best they could, it was clear they lacked direction.” He pushed up his shades, “And given how absent Toni tends to be for his boys—certainly even more now, given his restrictions—I’m positive my boys will win the next game with their skills on full display as always.”