6 TEAMS IN THE SUPER LEAGUE WITH THE MOST INTENSE TRAINING

Maci Gian

Training is a necessity when you’re a part of the Super League! Players don’t just waltz out onto the field already in perfect, physical form. Even the fastest, strongest, and most beloved soccer players need to set time aside to get their workout in.

While you have the teams that prefer the ‘good old fashioned’ way of training, using nothing more than a ball, a couple of obstacles, and themselves, you have the other teams that feel this simple approach doesn’t cut it. Plain old exercise doesn’t meet their criteria, and they find it too boring, so they’ve come up with other means to push themselves past their limits and put on a fantastic performance for the fans. In today’s list, we’re going to explore which teams have the most intense training in the Super League!

How crazy are we talking? Just keep reading and you’ll find out…

6. IRON TANK & COLOSSUS

For the first time ever in a Super League list, we have a tie!

Iron Tank and Colossus already share many similarities, from their stature to their display of sheer strength on the field, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to learn that the teams with equally powerful players happen to have extremely similar training styles!

Iron Tank use old tires from their vehicles, Colossus push giant boulders up mountains. Iron Tank trudge through avalanches, Colossus do laps around mountains. Both teams have even been seen pushing and dragging logs nearly thrice their size during workouts.

It doesn’t matter how wide or tall an obstacle is, as both teams will tackle it head on without a moment of hesitation! However, that’s not really a surprise, is it? Anyone can see just how hard these players train at just a glance, those muscles didn’t come from nowhere! Not to mention, despite this workout sounding challenging, this is considered the standard for the giant players, and it’s why they’re both placed so low on the list.

Perhaps, though, we can give Colossus a couple extra points over Iron Tank…

The Fortress is already located high within the mountains, they’re completely surrounded by a tough terrain ready to be used, meanwhile Olympii is merely a neighbor to them. To get the material they need, Coach Nick Kickalopolous and his boys scale the mountains regularly, giving the Greek men a workout before their workout.

5. HYDRA

How does a team stranded in the middle of the ocean make sure they stay in shape? Surely practicing on the same pitch every single day would stunt them more than help… Well, perhaps we should dive past the surface level and go deep underwater where Hydra’s second pitch resides!

No, we’re not talking about the moments where the Floating Stadium sinks, we’re talking about a separate field completely submerged in the water. Coral and algae can be seen along the edges of the pitch, fish are frequent visitors, and in order for the players to actually play? They have to wear swimming gear.

Going underwater is already placing the team in a high pressure position, but with the added weight of the gear and the risk of running out of oxygen? Liquido and the others have to be resourceful with their time, speed, and energy before having to go back up for air.

There have been a few stories shared by the team about larger sea creatures disrupting their training; octopi, dolphins, manta rays, and whales. Skipper once said during an interview:

“Usually when we get ‘em in groups—dolphins and rays—we gotta stop playing and wait it out. They’ve got places to be, ’n we don’t wanna disrupt ‘em. Even though they’re totally disrupting us.” He laughed, “But for the bigger dudes? Like the whales? Sometimes we’ll keep playin’. It’s a lotta fun getting to try and maneuver around somethin’ so massive.”

Hydra’s goalkeeper, The Plug, shared: “I swear, jellyfish are like the oversized mosquitos of the ocean. A million of ‘em will come over and completely swarm our field, and they’ll hang around for hours. We tried to practice while they were hangin’ around once, but the guys kept kickin’ them across the pitch, and at one point I accidentally smacked one aside, and our coach got super stressed and told us to just practice on the surface instead. Dunno why, not like they feel any pain. Plus we got stung a ton…”

Hydra was questioned if they ever worried about shark attacks. The answer was an overwhelming ‘No’.

“Kinda hard to explain, but once you’ve been surrounded by them for so long, you start to pick up on their ‘vibes’ ‘n know when to call it quits till they’re gone.” Skipper said, “A bunch of them are pretty chill though, they don’t even look our way. Guess soccer isn’t their thing.”

4. ORION

Orion may not train in space—not yet, at least—but Coach Black is dedicated to going above and beyond to replicate what the experience would be like. Combining his love for soccer and astronomy, Orion’s coach is always working hard to create a variety of machines inspired by all sorts of space-related phenomenons!

Many fans already know of his famous zero-gravity chamber that allows his boys to shoot up high into the air and practically fly over opponents, but he’s also created a chamber that replicates what it’s like to play under intense pressure. It’s a massive tank—a ‘big fish tank’, as Neil Sagan describes it—that fills with water that the men then practice within.

Of course, gravity isn’t the ONLY thing he’s messed with in his stadium. One of his machine, the ‘Sun Replicator’—which sounds much scarier than it actually is—creates extremely hot conditions with a bright, powerful light which shines down on his players as they practice inside of it. This is to help them get used to the heat when playing against the Sultans, and ‘sunburts’—artificial heatwaves—will pulsate at random to keep them on their toes.

There’s also the ‘Accelerator’, a large, spherical machine able to fit 5 people at a time that gets spun around at high speed. The interior of the machine and the velocity of it allows the men to run across the ceiling, walls, and jump from surface to surface as they test their latest tricks and kicks.

New inventions are constantly added to the Soccersphere, and whenever one breaks, or it doesn’t get used anymore, it gets scrapped and the parts are reused for the newer machines.

With how many get made, and at the pace Coach Black goes, people have wondered if he was worried he’d eventually lose steam, to which he responded:

“I’m never afraid about running out of ideas. If anything, I don’t think it’s possible for me to run out. Space is ever changing, it produces one spectacular event after another, and discoveries are always being made.” Coach Black told Futbol Planeta during an interview, “I like to gather up everyone and brainstorm how we can incorporate what we’ve learned into our practices. It is so much fun, I sincerely mean it. What I am afraid about, however, is the possibility that one of my boys will sneak into my machines and use them as playgrounds again…”

Whether it’s being used for fun or for serious training, there’s no denying that Orion’s style of practicing is out of this world!

3. NAKAMA

This team doesn’t use the latest technology, nor do they have a special, secret pitch they train on, instead, Nakama’s coach relies purely on physical strength and pure determination. He expects his players to be up before the sun, and he expects them to keep training until it sets. Breaks are only used when it’s time to eat, or when someone gets injured, but even then, it’s looked down upon unless the player is physically unable to carry on.

Ura Giri wants to ensure that his players are able to keep up with their opponents, and that they’re able to remain on two feet after taking massive hits. Even a slight waver is seen as a disappointment. Nakama are expected to put together the very obstacle courses they have to maneuver through, and drag themselves across the field lugging bags filled with stones over their shoulders, or tied to their feet.

Ura Giri will have his men test their kicks against materials harder than a mere soccer ball. He’ll have them kick apart wooden planks, which continue to get thicker and thicker until they move on to stone, then the process repeats until they get to metal. To enhance their speed, he’ll have them play against tens, sometimes hundreds, of randomly selected players across Japan, and he expects his men to be the last ones standing with the highest score on the board.

These acts are barely shown to the public, as he prefers to display his team only when he’s certain they’re at their absolute best.

Nakama’s training is harsh, painful, and never ending.

2. INVINCIBLE UNITED

Who needs a plain old pitch when you can install flamethrowers into it that’ll activate at random? Why use boring, orange cones when you can use spikes instead? Why waste money on dummies to crash into when you can crash into each other?

These are the questions no other team was asking except Invincible United! And they aren’t stupid questions if they’re leading to positive results.

Whenever this infamous team gets interviewed during their training sessions, fans and critics alike are always in for a surprise when they see the latest, dangerous contraptions Coach Vince whipped up for his boys to use. A few of these iconic machines have been given names such as: The 'Soccer-Catapult', the 'Head Collider', and one of the more infamous ones—the 'Shin Cutter'. Some of the usage of machines made camera crews so wary they had to do an immediate commercial cut the second it looked like things were about to get ugly!

Critics will say these machines are ‘unnecessary and unethical’, and wonder how they had managed to get past the first round of inspections, but perhaps the Board saw the same thing Vince did: Potential. And maybe that was a good call, seeing how Invincible United are still on top of the Super League boards every season. Heck, the players will boast about the injuries they’ve sustained and pridefully display them, viewing them as ‘proof’ that they’re tough enough to survive something so dangerous.

HONORABLE MENTION - TECHNICALI

Technicali certainly aren’t the beefiest players in the League, and their training usually consists of using one of Toni’s many malfunctioning robots, or when they break, they’ll play against each other. The reason they’ve made it on this list is because of the V.H.S. (Virtual Home Soccer) machine.

The V.H.S. , as Chuck T. Chipperson once stated: “It’s able to create holograms of a bunch of different players, right? They won’t always be accurate, and sometimes it’s a bit limited, but it helps us see all the possible moves our oppositions could make.”

Apparently, Chuck uses this machine anytime they’re preparing for a game. He’s most likely watched and rewatched tens to hundreds of potential results so he can craft the perfect plan to avoid every failure he’s seen.

While it’s not physically straining, one has to wonder what this sort of thing does to your mental health!

Now, onto the team with the craziest training routine…

1. COSMOS

Go big or go home! That’s Buddy Watkins Jr.’s mindset when it comes to his casinos, his hotels, his restaurants, his stadium, his team, and don’t think their training is an exception to this!

“Too many of ‘em other teams play it too safe, I tell y’what!” Buddy said, “Sure, they got their gimmicks, their flashy li’l doo-dads, but ain’t it funny how they like to keep it all in their stadiums? What, are th’toys not allowed to come outta their box?”

He went on:

“If y’got a good team, ’n I’m talkin’ a real good team like mine, they should be just as good outside th’field as they are in.”

And what does Buddy mean by that, exactly? Apparently it means going all over Las Vegas to show off his team, and when we say ‘all over’, we mean all over. Not only can you watch Cosmos train at one of Buddy’s many hotels if you’re lucky, but you’ll also catch them practicing on the roofs of his 5 star restaurants, or on the deck of Ninja’s yacht while it’s moving at high speeds, they’ll even go as far as to perform on helicopters with the doors wide open to make sure fans can see what they’re doing.

Cosmos aren’t just kicking a ball back and forth either, oh no, they’ll bust out rings of fire to shoot through, dribble balls while riding motorcycles, and their most famous act: Having two players drive separate cars at top speed, while two other players stand atop of the hoods and kick the ball to one another.

A camera crew follows the players around during their extreme training days to broadcast them not just across the city—but across the world. They’re played on every TV within every Buddy Watkin Jr.’s establishments. They’re such a big deal, in fact, massive crowds will form and follow the team for hours, make bets on who’ll perform the best, or who will get injured, and bars will serve complimentary drinks if the stunts Cosmos pull are successful.

Luckily, no major injuries have happened, with the exception of the time the team was playing atop of multiple skyscrapers. The buildings were close enough to one another that the men in blue could jump between the gaps, but at one point, whether it was because he miscalculated the distance, or because of an imperfect landing, Scissors slipped off an edge.

Thankfully, Emilio and Bolo were quick to jump into action and managed to grab him by the arms before he could plunge any further. During his panicked attempt at trying to get back up, Snake accidentally kicked through one of the hotel’s windows and sustained minor injuries on that leg, but besides that, he was alive and in one piece! His coach had him sit out for the rest of practice, and he was placed on the bench during the following game.

It’s genuinely a surprise that’s the only notable injury to come from Cosmos’ training sessions, and what does Buddy have to say for that?

“We’re just that good… Show me one of ‘em other teams pullin’ stunts like this ’n comin’ back alive! Y’just can’t.”

Whether you’re a fan of these life threatening practices or not, it’s hard to deny the sheer intensity these stars go through to keep their place on the top of the Super League!